We Had So Many Plans

“I should have had 10 more years with him.”

“She should have had a long life.”

“We had so many plans.”

Pet owners are all aware that they face having to say “goodbye” at some point. If they are lucky, their pets enjoy long, healthy lives with them. They spend many joyful years together, and eventually watch their beloved furry family member become slower, and grayer.

But not all of us are lucky.

For some, it is a cancer diagnosis when our cat is 5.

Or our 3-year-old, too-joyful, too-energetic dog getting hit by a car.

Or our pet dies unexpectedly, for seemingly no reason at all. And we don’t even get the comfort of having answers.

How is this fair? Why is it that some families get to watch their pet grow old, when others never get to behold the bittersweet sight of a well-loved, graying face it its golden years? Why is it that some people’s pets seemingly live forever, when others are robbed of a full life?

We know ourselves- we are the best owners a pet could ever have! We would have given them the best, most spoiled, beautiful long life. But we never got the chance.

We had so many plans.

We should have gotten to celebrate a 10th birthday.

We should have gotten to buy the “senior-grade” pet food.

We should have gotten to sit on the front porch together, watching many more summers pass by.

We should have gotten to complain about more vet bills.

Or cleaned up accidents when they started “getting up there.”

We knew just what was going to be on their “Bucket List,” and boy was it going to be great.

We should have had 5 more years. Or 10 more years. We would give anything for one more day.

Why is the future stolen from some of us?

So many take their aging pet for granted, blissfully unaware of the hole that would be in their heart were that pet to leave this earth. But we know the hole. Sometimes it feels like that’s all that is there- a hole, where there once was a heart.

But boy are we grateful for the time we had.

Our face was licked so many times.

We were greeted by an ecstatic blur of fur every time we got home.

We even miss the “bad” things. Like being woken up countless times in the middle of the night. Or the incessant barking. Or the brand new couch that we soon learned was a $500 scratching post.

What we wouldn’t give to get mad one more time, and realize, one more time, that we couldn’t stay mad at all. What we wouldn’t give for one more chance to forgive them, scratch their sweet little head, and let them know how much we love them.

We may not have realized it then, but the time we had was immeasurably precious. Perhaps that’s what makes the pain of unexpected loss so much worse. We didn’t know how precious few the days and years with our pet were, until we had no more days and years with them.

We had so many plans.

But the moments we did have…

…We will cherish those forever.